Waiting on Kenzleigh

Ive been sitting here at Saline Hospital since 8am this morning. Jess and Calvin had to be here at 2am.
Miss Kenzleigh is taken her sweet time arriving.
Today has not been boring in the least. With Papaw telling stories and meeting with the other families that are waiting for babies.
Its a like a family reunion up here.


Miss Kenzleigh, I'm ready to meet you.

Ring Suprise

For the last couple of days I have felt FAT, gross and ugly. Not looking in a mirror was been my main focus. I cant tell that I have lost any weight, even though I have.

For months now I have been trying to get my wedding rings back on. I haven't been able to wear them for about two years.
So, a couple of times a mouth I would try to slip them on. I could never get them on. It would make me very unhappy, but for some reason I kept doing it.

Tonight I thought I would continue with my own personal torture. I got my rings out of the little black box. I took a deep breath and slipped them on. GASP! They slide right on down. THEY FIT!!

I look down at my hand now, and there it is the band that my husband placed on my finger. Its wonderful having it back on, where it belongs.

Working on Me

July 3rd I weighed myself and started on this whole new life. I bought a gym membership. I threw out lots of bad food in the house. I bought new food.

Since then I have been eating right, working out and drinking lots and I mean lots of water every single day.
At first it was very hard. But as the days have been going by, it was become easier. If you will, a new way to live.

I pay attention to every thing that I put into my mouth. Everything. I have even been eating things that I would have never before even touched. Fish, bananas, fresh figs and more.

I have now noticed that I cant eat like I used to. Pizza, forget about it. Any kind of sodas, no way.

I am proud of myself. (Cant believe I have something positive to say about myself)I'm doing this weight loss thing the right way. Its been a month since I last stuck my finger down my throat. Am I recovered? No, every day is still a battle after I eat.

As of two weeks ago, I quit the gym and I am now working out with my Best Friend. We work out to the Biggest Loser six nights a week. She has lost 25lbs doing just that. I'm extremely proud of her. She has come so far.

So as this journey through my new life continues, I will strive to be the best me possible. I will hold my head up and aim for my goals. I will support my Best Friend through her journey. I will NOT put my finger down my throat. I will NOT give up.

Zoloft Withdrawal

I ran out of Zoloft on Friday. Me being me, I thought I would be fine and make it till Monday so I could get my pills.

Wrong.

Friday I felt fine.

Saturday I was having the yard sale. Felt kinda funny but thought maybe it was the weather. It didn't cross my mind that it could have been not having my meds.

Sunday. Sick. I was having panic attacks. Feeling sick. Was hot and then cold. Could not get comfortable. Paced most of the day. Figured, OK, I definitely need my meds. Called to see if I could get any some where. No. Called people I knew. No. Finally called Lisamom and asked if she could give me something to calm down. She said yes. Sent Josh to get it.

This Morning. Felt OK when I woke up. A little shaky. Took a shower, started to have a panic attach. Had to shower with the shower curtain open. Was going to call in but thought no, the girls will need me there. Wont be fair to them.

On the way to work, had a panic attack. To late to call in so continued on to work.

I was shaky, sick to my stomach and realized that I wasn't going to make it through out the day if I didn't get my meds in me.
I asked the RN if I could leave to pick up my meds. She said sure.
I drove all the way to the pharmacy and they had to fax the Doctor. I was out of refills.
Got upset over that, and of course had another attach.
Made it back to work. Got back on the unit and then all hell broke loose. I have four panic attack.
Explained myself to the RN. I opened my big mouth and she found out that I had taken some meds from my Stepmom. She asked me if I had a prescription for them I said no.
She then told me that I would have to be drug tested. And if anything was found then she would have to terminate me.

Don't know what a panic attach is look here: http://www.medicinenet.com/panic_disorder/article.htm




I freaked out and called the Doctor....don't have to worry. I DO have a prescription for it.
I was sill made to take the drug test.

RN said that I should not be having panic attacks since it takes a week for the meds to get out of my system.

Wrong! A person can have withdrawal symptom's up to eight hours of missing a dose.

Zoloft withdrawal symptoms can occur at any dosage. Zoloft withdrawal symptoms can begin within eight hours of a missed dose and can last from one to eight weeks. The particularly nasty Effexor withdrawal symptoms can easily last beyond eight weeks.
http://www.add-adhd-help-center.com/depression/zoloft_withdrawal.htm

Withdrawal Symptoms:
*Anxiety
*Dizziness
*Fatigue
*Vomiting
*Restlessness
Muscle and joint pain
*Jolting electric "zaps”
Tingling sensations
*Fever
Abdominal discomfort
Flu symptoms and general malaise
*Sleep disturbance and insomnia
Nightmares
Vivid dreams
Anorexia, agitation
*Irritability
Aggression
Confusion
*Memory and concentration difficulties
Lethargy
Tremors
*Headache
*Insomnia
Nausea
Visual hallucinations
*Diarrhea
*Blurred vision
Vertigo
Gait disturbances
*Sweating
Weakness
Myalgia
*Chills and hot flashes
*Crying spells
Suicidal thoughts

Ive put a star by the symptoms that I have had or still have.

Seems to me, this RN doesn't have a clue what she is talking about.

Plus its my body. I know when something doesn't feel right. I think it was uncalled for to be drug tested. But since I had nothing to hide, I agreed to take it.

I now have my meds. Still panicky, still have most of the symptoms... but I feel calmer. I think the reason for that is, I'm at home, safe, away from people looking at me like I'm crazy.