I'm Sorry

To my family. You have no idea how much you helped me today. For Nathan who didn't have to but did, helped out in an enormous way. Not just with the car but for pulling me back up.

I was ready to say goodbye. To disappear. With their love I was pulled back up. I was helped off the floor and back onto my feet.

I love you all more than you could possible know. I am completely sorry for scaring you. I know that I would have hurt a lot of people who love me. Again, I'm sorry.

Punishment

I thought that this was supposed to feel good
And if you were really mine
I guess it would
I didn’t fall in love
‘Cause it was the right thing to do
I just went ahead and fell for you

Oh, somewhere down along the line
I guess that love became a crime
This contradiction makes no sense
This is punishment
I feel like this is judgement day
I’ll raise my hand, stand up and say
I don’t believe I’m innocent
This is punishment

Truth is your heart was never mine to take
Now I’m stuck in a feeling
That I’ll never shake
I prayed for it to go
God knows I want it to stay
But here I am loving you either way

Oh, somewhere down along the line
I guess that love became a crime
This contradiction makes no sense
This is punishment
I feel like this is judgement day I’ll raise my hand, stand up and say
I don’t believe I’m innocent
This is punishment

You’ll never feel all the things I can’t say
And I’ll never know if it’s better this way

Oh, somewhere down along the line
I guess that love became a crime
This contradiction makes no sense
This is punishment
I feel like this is judgement day
I’ll raise my hand, stand up and say
I don’t believe I’m innocent
This is punishment

Oh, somewhere down along the line
I guess that love became a crime
(This is punishment)

I feel like this is judgement day
I’ll raise my hand, stand up and say
(This is punishment)
This is punishment
This is punishment

SheDaisy

Hoping and Wishing

I have been working at the hospital for some time now.
I hate it.
I don't feel like I am a difference. I feel like I'm just there to bring people ice and take there blood pressure.

I belong at the Health Center.
I have called to see if I can get my job back. I believe that I should be given a second chance. My fear is, is that I wont be hired back.

I didn't realize how much I actually enjoyed my job. I miss the people I worked with. And most importantly I miss helping the ladies that live there.
They became a part of my life.

I had found my place. Then I went and let it be taken from me. Now, I'm fighting for it.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying an extra prayer. Doing a little hoping and wishing also. I will call back tomorrow.

Losing It

41 pounds and 49 inches down.

I look in the mirror and I don't see the weight gone. Maybe when I reach my goal I will. But there is good chance that I will always look in the mirror and see myself at my heaviest.

All of my pants are hanging off of me. I don't want to spend the money on any new ones until I can't put it off any longer.

I'm proud of myself for making it this far.