Mama Said

My Mama said to me that someone would come into my life when I wasnt looking. Well, I defentely was'nt looking.
I had made my mind up about him before we even meet. The plan was to just go to dinner and maybe make a new friend. I'm happy that for once in my life things did'nt go as planned.
I kept looking for reasons for us not to work. The more I looked the less I found. I've stopped looking for reasons to push him away. Instead I'm pulling him towards me.
I had made up my mind that I did'nt want children. Life is funny, he has four great kids.
I am completley happy.

Control

I'm doing IT again.

It started the day I almost gave up. Completely. I know all the risk. I know that its bad for me. That I'm slowly killing myself. That if I keep it up my teeth will get worse. That my hair will start falling out again. Knowing all that I still do it.

Standing there after and the relief I feel for just that second makes it worth it. I feel better. I feel complete. I feel in control.

I've never admitted it before, but I know its the control that I want. That power. I need it.

I must sound crazy, absolutely crazy. I want to stop. Its not everyday anymore. Taking one day at a time is a must for me.

The hard, cold honest truth is, is that I'm not in control of it at all. In realty it controls me.

A Little Bit Stronger

"A Little Bit Stronger"

Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
I'm better off without you baby,
How does it feel with out me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

I'm just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

-Sara Evans

Letting You Go

I have no idea why I keep hanging on to you.
Its time that I move on and see what could be in front of me.
I'm letting you go.